I've corrected a stray link in my welcome letter, so please bookmark or save this new version. I also added a newsletter I'd created about breast-binding:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1n7dYDssbiiMka_OwATbDcL4_ZTykj3r9/view

This is a great example of how important it is to work with the family as a system & unit.

Parents recognize social influences impacting identity while also admitting where they could have done things differently with their child.

Reconciliation and repair.

https://www.partnersforethicalcare.com/podcast/episode/484387bc/episode-16-our-daughters-desistance-with-the-help-of-a-therapist-who-focused-on-our-family-as-a-unit

This topic video lays out a loose roadmap for how to think about attachment and parenting an ROGD child. I offer some background information about attachment and what facilitates or competes with it. I also discuss several practical suggestions for nurturing attachment and creating more leverage to help your gender-questioning child.


Video Resources/Links: 

Authoritative Parenting & Attachment  - High Warmth, High Expectations

 

Book Rec for parents: Hold on to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers https://www.amazon.com/Hold-Your-Kids-Parents-Matter/dp/0375760288

Chapter 1 of Hold on to Your Kids (attached)

 

Here's one of the co-authors talking briefly about attachment and peer-orientation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_tdljIW86e8

 

On Devices: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQ4ifp2lKvs&t=306s

 

Neufeld on Making Sense of Kids: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flGFs7NORRU&t=3s

 

Article: How to Heal Attachment With Your Teen: 

 

Adolescent Attachment Paper:

We know the internet plays a large role in adolescent-onset dysphoria, and in this newsletter I make some suggestions about how to limit or monitor with less conflict: 

 

https://www.ted.com/talks/manoush_zomorodi_how_boredom_can_lead_to_your_most_brilliant_ideas?language=en 

 

 

The Social Dilemma Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rvg0eY_Ls4Y

The Social Dilemma: https://www.netflix.com/title/81254224 

Digital Wellness : https://www.projectbe.com/

 

Scott Newgent is a a transman who has had a harrowing series of difficult medical complications from his gender transition surgeries. He is one of the many (but suppressed) trans voices against childhood transition. Here Scott gives some helpful advice about how to respond to your child's pronoun requests. Scott is an excellent communicator, so I think the way he frames things is quite brilliant and effective.

I think this could be valuable for parents of very young kids or those of you facing brand new pronoun requests. If you've been in a large power struggle over pronouns for some time, I don't recommend using this particular approach. But feel free to think about what Scott says and consider what you might modify or borrow to best fit your family's situation. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQQWyq7PjhQ

This video discusses a 16 year old boy with Autism who is dealing with some school refusal and a fixation on body hair. With some boundaries from parents and the encouragement to take things slow, his demands for hormones have stopped and he’s also questioning his gender identity labels. His large stature and the desire to appear more ‘gentle’ may play a part in his attempt to flee from growth into manhood. Below are additional resources that accompany this Q&A. 

 

 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rUg7FVQm_ok

Working with Emotions (excellent for parents to do their own emotional work):

 

Hilary Jacobs Hendel and The Change Triangle:

Website: https://www.hilaryjacobshendel.com/ 

Podcast Interview: https://omny.fm/shows/mark-groves/hilary-jacobs-hendel-why-you-can-t-just-get-over-i

YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxRHckyznerWhoSkPBozgfA

Book: It's Not Always Depression: http://www.randomhousebooks.com/books/537514/

https://www.netflix.com/title/80117540

Shows/Movies Featuring ASD:
https://www.autism.org/autism-movies/

Here we build upon our discussion of the "arc of a trans identity.'' This mom describes her fantasies of what therapy might be able to achieve: perhaps a lightbulb moment or a straight-shooting counselor who tells her daughter exactly what's really going on. But ultimately, Mom realized that a therapist simply can't work miracles, nor can therapy substitute for the role of the parent. By leaning in and developing a strategy of flexible boundaries, this mom played a very important role in her daughter's growth towards a healthier, looser relationship with gender identity.

Many parents are scrambling to find a therapist they trust to work thoughtfully with their child's gender questions. Many of you have heard me say: bad therapy is worse than no therapy. I created the following resources to guide families in determining IF they really need to get therapy for their child, and if so, how to go about it. 

Start with the Help for Parents PDF, and the other two documents accompany it. 

Don't forget to check the SubscribeStar messages here on the platform for your introductory guidance on how to use this page. 

In case you missed it: 

Thank you for joining. Below is access to a PDF document which will help orient you and give you tips on how to use my parent resource page.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Dk2tCur_B41DwAoBsQX4guYJK7uWoYJo/view?usp=sharing 

 

Best,

Sasha 

I encourage all parents here to watch the Q&A videos, even if they don't initially seem related to your child's situation. I always distill parenting principles and best practices that will often apply to a broad range of families. The better you can understand the similarities between different ROGD kids, the more attuned you might become to the real underlying issues and strategies that will help you parent your child.

In this video I cover:
- the arc of a trans identity: rapid build, peak intensity, followed by a decrease in the family's power struggle over time
- growing ambivalence about medical intervention after several years of trans identification
- people-pleasing "pansexual" kids
- charismatic trans-identified peers
- why girls/empaths may be more susceptible to social contagion
- "why are you ok with everyone else being trans, but NOT ME?"
- the multiple roles that ROGD parents feel they have to play (parent, confidant, therapist, etc)
- dealing with the mental health crisis at school: when a peer commits suicide
- college dorm decisions

Hello Parents,

I hope you have found meaningful ways to navigate the closing of this very strange year.

As I continue working on the content for this parent resource page, I've noticed a drop in engagement with Q&A Videos. As a reminder, those are videos in which I describe a specific case (anonymized, of course) and reflect on ways the family might proceed in supporting their child.

An example of a Q&A video is the post from July 11th called "Q&A #13 - 21 YO F Growing Larger than Dysphoria."

I also create topical videos in which I discuss frequent issues or questions that come up around parenting an ROGD child.

Two examples of topical videos include the introductory 2-part series about responding to a child's trans announcement or the recent video titled "Is your teen being pushed into a trans identity by a bossy friend?"

If you are new to this page, you can scroll down to see these distinct video types and check them out before voting. 

To ensure that everyone here finds the content valuable, please help me by commenting below with either "Q&A" or "Topic" to indicate which video you prefer. If you enjoy both equally, write "both". 

Your votes will help me prioritize my upcoming posts. 

Thank you, and here's to a better 20201!

Before I disconnect for the break, I wanted to find a more organized for parents can utilize the content here. Personally, I find that scrolling around searching for an item is frustrating. So I've created a PDF with direct links to my YouTube videos, and private SubscribeStar content. Q&As are still only accessible through the platform for privacy/confidentiality reasons.  Please keep this resource private and do not share on social media or with other families without my explicit permission. 

*Ok. I swear, I'm getting offline now*

Have a great Thanksgiving!