Here we build upon our discussion of the "arc of a trans identity.'' This mom describes her fantasies of what therapy might be able to achieve: perhaps a lightbulb moment or a straight-shooting counselor who tells her daughter exactly what's really going on. But ultimately, Mom realized that a therapist simply can't work miracles, nor can therapy substitute for the role of the parent. By leaning in and developing a strategy of flexible boundaries, this mom played a very important role in her daughter's growth towards a healthier, looser relationship with gender identity.

Don't forget to check the SubscribeStar messages here on the platform for your introductory guidance on how to use this page. 

In case you missed it: 

Thank you for joining. Below is access to a PDF document which will help orient you and give you tips on how to use my parent resource page.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1Dk2tCur_B41DwAoBsQX4guYJK7uWoYJo/view?usp=sharing 

 

Best,

Sasha 

I encourage all parents here to watch the Q&A videos, even if they don't initially seem related to your child's situation. I always distill parenting principles and best practices that will often apply to a broad range of families. The better you can understand the similarities between different ROGD kids, the more attuned you might become to the real underlying issues and strategies that will help you parent your child.

In this video I cover:
- the arc of a trans identity: rapid build, peak intensity, followed by a decrease in the family's power struggle over time
- growing ambivalence about medical intervention after several years of trans identification
- people-pleasing "pansexual" kids
- charismatic trans-identified peers
- why girls/empaths may be more susceptible to social contagion
- "why are you ok with everyone else being trans, but NOT ME?"
- the multiple roles that ROGD parents feel they have to play (parent, confidant, therapist, etc)
- dealing with the mental health crisis at school: when a peer commits suicide
- college dorm decisions

Hello Parents,

I hope you have found meaningful ways to navigate the closing of this very strange year.

As I continue working on the content for this parent resource page, I've noticed a drop in engagement with Q&A Videos. As a reminder, those are videos in which I describe a specific case (anonymized, of course) and reflect on ways the family might proceed in supporting their child.

An example of a Q&A video is the post from July 11th called "Q&A #13 - 21 YO F Growing Larger than Dysphoria."

I also create topical videos in which I discuss frequent issues or questions that come up around parenting an ROGD child.

Two examples of topical videos include the introductory 2-part series about responding to a child's trans announcement or the recent video titled "Is your teen being pushed into a trans identity by a bossy friend?"

If you are new to this page, you can scroll down to see these distinct video types and check them out before voting. 

To ensure that everyone here finds the content valuable, please help me by commenting below with either "Q&A" or "Topic" to indicate which video you prefer. If you enjoy both equally, write "both". 

Your votes will help me prioritize my upcoming posts. 

Thank you, and here's to a better 20201!

Before I disconnect for the break, I wanted to find a more organized for parents can utilize the content here. Personally, I find that scrolling around searching for an item is frustrating. So I've created a PDF with direct links to my YouTube videos, and private SubscribeStar content. Q&As are still only accessible through the platform for privacy/confidentiality reasons.  Please keep this resource private and do not share on social media or with other families without my explicit permission. 

*Ok. I swear, I'm getting offline now*

Have a great Thanksgiving!

I appreciate all the parents who are here to support this page. I understand, however, the circumstances are deeply chaotic and devastating for many ROGD families. You are here because you've been let down by so many trusted establishments: medical, mental health, educational, and journalistic. 

I hope the content I provide here serves not just a way to put out the fire created by a sudden trans announcement, but also to foster skills and perspectives that will serve you as a parent for years to come. Parenting an ROGD child in our cultural zeitgeist is a true test of your resilience, flexibility and faith in yourself as a mother or father.

And in the meantime, little by little, more awareness is spreading about this ROGD phenomenon. Authors are writing, podcasters are discussing, parents are organizing, physicians are speaking out, and legislators are taking notice. I hope that as we approach the 2020 holiday season, and eventually move into next year, we'll see an even greater shift in the tide. 

I'll be taking some time away from the computer (fingers crossed) next week, and will return to check messages and upload content here on the first week of December. 


Be well, 

Sasha 

Sometimes a young person is identifying as trans almost exclusively in order to fit into a certain peer group, or in response to a bossy friend or crush encouraging the new identity. Stepping in to help your kid get out of a complex situation may be the best move, especially if the gender exploration is brand new and you have a great relationship. Here's a bit more on this topic, including some intervention strategies families might consider:


Resources mentioned in the video: 

We know the internet plays a large role in adolescent-onset dysphoria, and in this newsletter I make some suggestions about how to limit or monitor with less conflict: 

a. https://www.ted.com/talks/manoush_zomorodi_how_boredom_can_lead_to_your_most_brilliant_ideas?language=en 

b. https://www.ted.com/talks/tristan_harris_the_manipulative_tricks_tech_companies_use_to_capture_your_attention?language=en

c. Digital Wellness 

I'm gearing up to record and share my presentation "Gender Identity Theory: the Hijacking of Adolescent Development." It outlines the specific ideas that kids become enamored with while they researching gender identity. And as a primer, I want to provide information with you about high-control groups (AKA Cults).

Many families have described their child's obsession with gender and identity-change as cult-like. There may be an inauthentic performance of exaggerated masculinity (for girls), a turning away from parents and great secrecy, and the adoption of language and concepts which feel foreign to mom and dad. Perhaps as a parent, you can clearly see they're going down a risky path, but there's something deeply appealing to your child. 

Often attempting to show your teen contradictory information seems to backfire and they might shut down and shut you out. Telling your child that they're brainwashed rarely has the intended effect. So to understand more about the delicacy and strategy required to help your child, here's an excellent resource.

Pat Ryan and Joe Kelly are experts in high-control groups and in this video they give an overview that includes: Assessing a family’s unique situation; understanding why people join and leave groups; considering the nature of psychological manipulation and abuse; being accurate, objective, and up-to-date; looking at ethical issues; learning how to assess you situation; formulating a helping strategy; learning how to communicate more efficiently with your loved one; learning new ways of coping.

(Sorry the audio is not great. I asked Pat and their mic system went out, so this is all we've got for this particular content)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_wzgSdX_hQ&feature=emb_logo
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