Just Some Thoughts:

Sometimes ya just wanna write, right?
I love the sound of the clicking of the keyboard that makes me almost want to write even more. It's a fun time lol.

I guess what I want to really say, just looking at the new banner and even the schedule, it feels so surreal that now I can put "gaming" in it.

For so many long years I've wanted to do that, to upload me gaming something, anything with or without commentary. Only cause some things that were funny would happen....and it would really suck knowing---no one was watching, not even a single person can see what happened. And that's really no fun especially if it's funny or even a glitch that happens that you weren't expecting.
But now that I can, as said before, it opens a whole new door for me.

And that's what I find so awesome since I've had laptops in the past, but the thing is--none could run a game annnd record it, hell it could barely run a game, I was lucky if it did.

To me, this was more or so the goal I was hoping to get too this year.
I already bought the mic and cam which should be in sometime this month---it's saying either June 24th-27th

either way, which ever it really is---it's a huuuge milestone in my eyes.

Which wouldn't be to a lot of regular youtubers.

I'm not rich, I'm pretty poor, and if it wasn't for my SSI I still wouldn't have this opportunity which I'm thankful to have.

Yes it makes more projects, yes it fills my to-do-list---do I care?
Not at all.
To some, they might care cause that's a lot more on them to do, and some youtubers do get this 'burnout" that they get tired, that they have sooo much to do---

to me, I like knowing---I have so much to do. I like knowing, I have a to-do-list that doesn't shrink, but grow with more ideas that I have, I like the idea of knowing I can wake up with something to do. That I'll never be really "bored", okay I can be, but I do know there's something to do regardless, that I'll feel like I'll have endless supply of content to give

Thing is with gamers, and no offense to them---they're not showing a talent---they're not giving off a talent, so when games are more spaced and not a lot to show or what to do---they lose ideas for content besides just try not to challenges, or showing off their reddit as something as a form of "entertainment" but at the end of the day---they're always questioning "What do I show? There's not a lot of games right now but I need to keep it going"
This is where the youtuber/gamer has to be clever. Some do forms of acting or reacting to items and such. That they have to literally think of what they can do so they can keep things up. 

Me? I'll never really have that problem, even now I had projects backed up since 2017.
Things are still going and now that I have more opened up to me--I can add more to the do list and do it whenever I see fit.

I'll ALWAYS have something to do---cause if I think of something, I can make it art wise. If a gamer thinks of something---they can't do that. That some just don't possess artistic ability that they'd like. Sure, maybe some can and or some can play an instrument, or they can sing or something---but half the time---or more than half the time---if a creative process happens--more likely they're not likely to do it.
While I can. I can make animations, I can make series, I can make comics, I can make stories, now I can do even more with gaming, and how-to videos for artwork.

Gamers as a whole cannot. So they have to push themselves, and that push causes a "creator burnout" cause they feel pressured to keep it going.

It's a shame really cause I do believe we all have a creative artistic talent somewhere. Just some show it, other's don't....others struggle to get content out.

I am thankful that I don't have to worry about any of that.
Sure I can get tired, but now when I do, and I want to do something else, now I have the golden opportunity to record it and make it content.

Hell I can work on 3D models, and record it for the future so that way when I do plan on making my own website or even on Patreon I can show people the behind the scenes process

or even just editing a video I can show people what I do.

Gamers could do the same, but for some reason think it's too boring. And maybe it is to some, but to people like me, I LOVE seeing behind the scenes, I love to see the creators process to learn more. Some don't but that's why I like to have variety for everyone on my channel, whether it gives me a lot of views or not. And sadly I may not care about the views, but they have too because they have to pay for things. They have a home to pay for. So they have to keep things going.

I have the privilege and fortunate opportunity to not only take my time, but to do multiple things that I decide to do thanks to my talent that helps me along the way.

Sure I'll never expect gaming to be up there with what I draw, not that I anticipate at least, I mean it may---I'm guessing it depends on what I play for the most part.

But unlike gamers, I have a talent that people WANT to see; people aren't there just to laugh at my content because I uploaded a video game, people are there to watch me flourish and grow as an artist appreciating the art that I give. Not saying people don't appreciate gamers, because boy ever do they do, but I do have the people who stick by me because they love my talent and what I draw, not what I just post because "haha funny."

If anything I feel like I have more of that accomplished feeling whenever I finish a comic or animation then just a gamer who sits and uploads a series and then finish. I mean even I don't feel "accomplished" playing a game and finishing the story, I just figure "Well that was fun, now to wait for studio to come up with something else."
I don't think I've felt that kind of 'accomplishment" when finishing a game.

Not saying I'm better then gamers, no of course not. We're all just garbage at the end of the day trying to live our lives. Just saying, unlike them, I don't have to worry about what I'm doing tomorrow or next week, or even the next few months seeing how I've had a to-do-list grow for years! 

And now with more on the list cause I'd love to just fool around playing a game and record it. or when making a comic I can record it showing off what I do. And make it like a speed paint but a speed comic.

So it amazes me I got to this point. Funny too cause when I was a bit younger, in early 20s, I even said to myself around 26 or older that's when I'll be doing more. Probably. That I'll have more things to do and more to show cause I'd have more things figured out and be able to pay for it.
And who knew I'd be somewhat right, cause there are some things still I have yet to learn or do. Like I still want to learn how to create music in an music editor, I'd love to somewhat 'sing' my own songs, I'd love to pay for an actual animator that I can't yet, I'd love to have a computer computer instead of a laptop working as the "computer". Cause I'm sure I'll have to wait awhile for that.
So I still have a lot to save up for, a lot that I want to do, and have yet to learn.

But right now, this is a milestone that I'm happy to take. Sure I had a mic before, but it wasn't the best, but I only used it for voice overs for theory videos. That's it, now I can practice voice acting now I can practice some vocals now I can voice over videos. 

At first actually I wondered what to do about that---cause I share a room, my room is right outside the dining, kitchen, and living room, I hear EVERYTHING, and pretty sure the mic would. And I HAVE to leave the door open a lot because of my cat because his litter box is right inside the closet and he even eats in here (It's a big room)
So closing the door, and even getting silent foam for the walls won't do anything. They would be pointless especially since I have a lot on my wall as is, and I have no intentions of taking down anything.
So if anything--I'd have to record in what my fam calls "the great room" cause it's like a giant entertainment living room with a big flat screen t.v. And I figured at night when all are in bed, that's when I'd do it since no noise, it used to be a garage but refurbished. So it's cut off from the rest of the house so during late nights when all are asleep that's when I'd record and such. 

Not exactly what I wanted, but I'll take it. Especially since in my old home, you couldn't do that anywhere! People could hear you throughout the house thanks to the vents. So even when allll the way downstairs you can hear each other then too. So at least this way no one can hear me because I can't hear much of or anything in the great room unless I was near the door. So that's great. So I can be loud all I really want to be and even have a big t.v to entertain me while I'm practicing even with the volume off. I just hope the guinea pigs will behave. They can squeal pretty loudly lol. Especially when hungry, though for the most part they should behave regardless. Better than my cat who makes a lot of noise at night running around with the zoomies.
But in a concealed room at night by myself away from distraction and most noise, I'm fine by that.
So as said I'll probably practice voice acting and the voices I want to use for future characters, and maybe even some songs to save for later for editing. Though I will not add "music" to my banner until I know for sure I can pull it off.

Ah, also, the reason on my banner it doesn't say 3D anything or game deving is because a few reasons:
1. I don't even know if I can pull it off yet
2. Let's say I can at least get 3D models, I have to learn how to animate them as well.
3. The channel itself isn't about 3D it's more or so just of animations of kinds and artwork.

so no real need to add 3D when even though I'll be working on it, it's a long process I'm more than sure, along with creating them and animating them etc.

Even though there is a future animation I hope to make that is in 3D But that's awhile away.

So I don't really want to put 3D or even music to that list yet.
I hope too eventually.

But honestly I'm really excited about all this, even with the chaos going on outside for awhile; I can focus on progress in here.
To me the "chaos" outside doesn't really bother me like it seems to with others only cause
1. This happened before
2. The world has suffered much worse than this anyway.
3. It's really just about looting and how far we can push things
4. To me it's just more drama to push a damn agenda for awhile and the media making it worse than it should be....since people are doing things peacefully.

if anything, some could say "What you don't care about the cause? You're heartless!"
No cause I have black friends that I look at as family, one is like a brother to me.
If anything, colour means nothing....if anything judge this if you want---but ALL matter, not just blacks, not just whites, not just---any other colour---ALL matter, not just one or the other.
I get it the whole "white privilege" thing....when really it's racist people who look at it that way at the end of the day.
I don't find myself privileged in that regards. If I did something wrong, I'd face jail time. Death? ....probably not? Unless one of those swatters and was accidentally shot at....
But hell as a girl I do probably in the future have to face womanizers, I do have to face "Oh you're a girl you belong in the kitchen" which I've dealt with in the past---we ALL have our problems somewhere rooted within either racism or sexism....doesn't even matter at this point to me.
If I worried over everything, everything, which I'll admit I do a lot already---I wouldn't have the energy or want to do anything...
I know this'll pass, it always does; looting isn't new, vandalism isn't new, riots aren't new, protesting isn't new.
Sure it can go on for a long time because not only are people bored, and the media wants to push more onto people---people are also bored because of social distancing, people want the pandemic to be over, if anything this gives people something to do in the mean time.
If they just let things slowly reopen like things have here, and let people live their normal lives the way they see fit----this wouldn't last long as it is.....well maybe---people can go really crazy now-a-days
and the riots aren't even for the movement, it's just to cause criminal acts and then push it to the "Oh you killed a black man, I'm standing up for that right!" no...no you're not, you're doing criminal acts. Going to peaceful protesting is how you fight this. This is just a bunch of dumb teens and young adults who I can't even call "Adult" who have nothing better to do, sick of being inside, and want to be apart of something for likes on twitter and Instagram for being "bold and brave" and they're neither of the two.

I'll always stand up for black community, I think they're great! They're not fake half the time, they're loyal when really good friends, they have a great sense of humor, they're prideful, they're wonderful to me. The media just paints them bad, makes them look bad which is why this started....hell to me at this point---because the pandemic isn't going to last as long as the gov. hope too---guess how they're controlling the masses now? Cause it has been stated the gov had made this to see how people would react to a pandemic....but because it's not going the way they want it too---guess what now? They start this crap because now they can share more they can push things more they want to see how far they can push people.

Way to fall for it. This is why you don't believe in the gov. cause they will hide many of things from you, and or the media whose legit evil and wants to control the masses even more and even do fake news because they want to scare, they want to anger the people. It's dumb, it's stupid, and I'm surprised ANYONE listens to them, then again only the SJW's and Feminists do.

But I stand for the black community, all communities, and even the gay community. I have no problems with them, personally I just hate an agenda pushed into my face. Especially since personally, I'm not against them, I treat them the same as I would anyone and I'd hate them if they do something stupid or irresponsible. Point being, I'm not racist, I'll hate everyone equally if they do something dumb lol. Doesn't matter who you are lol.

If anything I just find it stupid----that we're fighting over practically colour.....black and white....that's what we're still arguing over.....in 2020 we're STILL having race problems when we're all human, we're still the same species.....literally this is no different to me then a 5 year old arguing over what colour is better, really there really is no difference between that, and the "teacher" is the media whose encouraging it...

But---that's just my initial feel on it, whether one agrees or not that's fine. We all have our opinions which make us human. To agree 100% well no such thing, no one has the same exact outlook, we're all individuals. At least even I can accept that.

It truly angers me and yet saddens me this is my generation that we grew up in a time no one cared. I truly wish I knew what happened seeing how it's like they could no longer cry to their parents about their issues, so instead they went online to complain in hopes they'd find someone who thinks on their level and then the snowflakes were born creating more of a society for our future children then what I could ever expect....

But this is a talk really for another time, or not at all. After all---my opinion is minuscule. It means nothing at the end of the day. I'm one person with a very small voice and I'm sure some would even disagree with me.
But there is a perk to this--that just means no one will want to fully target me or write about me because I'm such a small voice that I might as well be a whisper in the dark that can barely be heard at all. And I'm alright with that since that way I don't have to deal with butt hurt people who are so damn sensitive, more sensitive then my own skin and that's says a lot.

~~

Though, still excited for so much to come.
And so much to do
Sure I will admit I do feel overwhelmed at times---especially with all that I have to do, but as said, I rather do something and have something to do for months and years then nothing at all.

It still blows my mind how I am now able to do this, and I hope others are somewhat excited too. I don't expect anyone else to be excited as I am, only because I am a small channel, I am still growing. And I guess I rather be small then be too large right now. That's a lot of pressure for one gal right now. With so much to do, and so much to give, but need the time to keep creating.

~
Though on a side note---funny story really

So my sister gave my niece another phone right? This should be like pff her 5-6th phone by now--I make a joke right? I say "You have so many PHONES! GiVe Me OnE!" And I did that out of a joke.
She stands there starring at me for about a second or so---she starts to shrug and says "Alright."
And I'm laying there on my bed like "Wot?!" "IT WAS A JOKE!" xD
So she comes back yeah? She gives me her 250$ samsung phone my grandfather gave her awhile ago; still in good condition, no scratches, she just never wanted to really use it I'm sure.

And I'm just like "Ha...aha...wut?!"
Cause I'm still a bit surprised.

I know my niece is nice to me, she really cares about me---maybe not my content at all--since she just likes to read what I say which is fine, but I do hope I can create something one day that she'd also like to watch since I like to entertain, and that even includes her. But if my posts of what I write in the community is what she likes---okay I guess?
I just joke around saying I'd block her from my youtube cause she doesn't watch anything. I really don't mind if she does or doesn't. Hell, 10% of my subscribers don't even really watch what I make regardless. Which always made me question, I get that you may like my personality perhaps, and that's fine---but I want you to sub cause you also like content.
Then again, I also have to remember---I don't make just one thing that EVERYONE is into---I make a variety of things---that even sometimes I don't watch what Markiplier does or even Jack uploads, or rather Sean. (i should really refer to him as Sean more, just seems more respectful) So, not everyone is into the same things---and because I have so many different kinds of content, I'm not attracting just one type of fan. Which is fine really, I want all kinds on my channel so they have something to look forward too and see how I can expand on ideas.

All and all, I'm just excited really for all that I can do, and I've been waiting a loong time that felt like an eternity to get there.
And I do hope I can make a lot of people happy with it, that I can make content that makes people or a good junk happy and entertained, especially in times like these.