My Bad High School Novels

Take a look at my embarrassing first attempts at writing full-length novels. I wrote them in high school. That should explain everything. My Croatian class professor told me my pen name sounded like a porn star's stage name.

My first was The Boogieman—a fantasy romance about a powerful creature called Boogieman who took six young women on a magical dreamland adventure in order to figure out which one of them was his promised bride. The group ventured through the 1930s, the future, Ancient Egyptian tombs, a tropical island, a haunted mansion, the Medieval Times, and the Garden of Eden. Each girl had to conquer their nightmare in said destinations, or they'd have woken up. The last one left won Boogie's dick—I mean—hand in marriage.

The second novel I wrote was Bird of Paradise. It was a fantasy novel, a romance novel, and a drama. Rorschet, a half man, half bat priest who didn't age wanted to kill himself because he gave away many of his years to a wife who hadn't loved him, and died fairly young. He decided he wanted to keep on living when he met a six-year-old girl named Tangora, whom he adopted as his student to teach and raise until her twentieth birthday. Throughout the years, he struggled to resist his raging emotions, especially when Tangora turned seventeen. Rorschet had to struggle with the possibility that he might have been in love with her, raise Tangora to be a proper, functioning member of society, and fend off all Tangora's suitors as passively aggressively as possible until she was of legal age, and he could start courting her himself.