Tasseomancy: the art of reading tea and coffee.



Come up with a better line. 

Alice: (blue dress, apron, blue polka dot shoes, purple long wig) sipping Tea

Alice: Let’s learn about tasseomancy

(Alice takes a bite of cake and begins to shrink in seat/seat expands while Alice shrinks)

Alice: (high pitch) Well shit.

(Scene: Alice opposite Hatter split screen. Rabbit in the middle.) 

Alice: Hi I'm Dottie the Psychic, and today we’re here to talk about tasseomancy.

Hatter: The predictive practice, not the bodacious  band.

Hare: Otherwise known as tassology, tasseomancy is divination or fortune-telling from the ritual reading of tea leaves, coffee grounds, or other beverage sediments. 

Hatter: If you don’t believe me, here’s this basic beverage bitch from B.C.

(Scene: green screen: wine. Purple wig good garb. Greek turned Roman.)

Greek lady: (looks back with haughty expression and makes indignant sound) (Wasp accent) Like so many fine things, the practice of tasseomancy began in Rome with wine. Not the swill of the modern day, (wistful) but true, Roman, wine. It used to be full of herbs and consumed unfiltered. It was so rich, so...decadent, that it had to be watered down lest it overwhelm the palate.

Hatter: Venerating a variety of voluminous flavors.

Hare: Well thanks for letting us know you're lush. The Romans started reading wax drippings using a method called "ceromancy", or melting lead called molybdomancy around the same time. Reading the junk in your dressed up gas station wine isn't much different. 

Alice: Well you certainly gave her the tea. It seems a bit queer to go so deep--

March Hare: It wouldn't be the first time she's been accused of such behavior.

Mad Hatter: Oh my. (winks at camera)

Alice: (annoyed)--into the history of wine.

Mad Hatter: (pouts and folds arms) Oh, boo!

[Scene: Alice sitting looking big drinking from a small cup.]

Alice: My Mother told me that tea is native to China and was discovered 2000 years before Rome came into existence.

Hatter: Considering cultural beliefs in the medicinal means of use, speculation springs up surrounding something so sacred and particularly pervasive--

Hare: Just a thought, but I’m guessing you didn’t find anything in English about Chinese Tea Divination.

Alice: (Sips tea and looks away) If anyone watching this knows a good source please leave it in the comments below.

Hatter: Later search for your favorite social media star by looking for the logo that leads to the legend herself. (Pop logo on screen)

Hare: Or just like and subscribe. You know, whatever.

Alice:  Western society only found out about tea in the late 18th century with tea reading becoming popular in the early 19th century.  Due to tea’s ubiquitous role, tasseomancy was considered socially acceptable.

Hatter: Wealthy wenches and comely country folk trusted the tasseomancy of tea. However, social structures seldom allowed silver to slide across palms. At the same time many hatters were driven mad by mercury used for forming fancy high hats.

Hare: What does that have to do with the price of tea in China? I prefer coffee anyway.

(Green screen Turkish art. Outfit. Pillow) (backdrop Turkish coffee house)

Coffee lady: Let's talk about coffee then. Coffee is native to Ethiopia, but the first recorded cultivation is in Yemen in the late 1400's, which was part of the Ottoman Empire at the time.

[Pan in] 

Coffee Lady: In some ways it was considered a holy drink. The Sufy, after a long day’s work, would consume coffee to give them the energy to perform their ecstatic devotions.  Of course when people heard about coffee’s energy giving properties, it spread like wildfire. It's said to have made it all the way to the Sultan's harem. 

[Pan out]  

Coffee Lady: Now here is where I get some conflicting information from tertiary sources. I found one source which said that in the harem the ladies would have their coffee grounds read by a professional every morning. Imagine having that gig. Another source said it was forbidden to write about the harem, so it would be difficult to know for sure. (Hands out make duck face)

Coffee Lady: So, PBS told me that in 1511 a local lawmaker tried to outlaw coffee when he found out the peasantry were gossiping about him in coffee houses. There was some pretense about it being an intoxicant, which of course, isn’t true. The Sultan basically laughed it off and reversed the order.

(Close up of bukle) Before we segway into the next part I want to take a moment and show you this fancy belt buckle.  I got this from Drogo of Rabenwald forge. All I gave him to work with were a couple of Pinterest posts. He actually has quit a reputation for his historically accurate metal work and unique camping gear. Contact info below.

[B roll: Tea steeping.]

Alice: There are so many rituals and ways to prepare tea and coffee that we could spend hours talking about it without making a dent in the information. There are many different kinds of plants, herbs and flowers that can be used to make tea, but you have to be careful--you can’t just throw anything into a pot of boiling water. 

Some parts of an otherwise benign plant can be toxic, or cause an interaction with medical conditions or medications. Your best bet is to consult a tea expert or even your doctor for anything you’re unsure about.

Hare: If you don't know what it is or if you don't know what it does, then don't put it in your mouth. We're not responsible for you people.

Hatter: For tips and tricks detailing tea and Turkish coffee preparation, please look at the links listed below.

*****TikTok bit

 

 Alice has a regular cup, Hatter has a Cup of destiny,  Hare has Turkish coffee.

Alice: [Cast drinking tea and talking] If you're interested in how to make Turkish coffee, there are some videos in the playlist at the end of this video.  Now let’s talk about the most important part of tasseomancy. Socializing while drinking tea or coffee is how this form of divination began.  As you can imagine this type of divination is not conducive to a cold read, because tasseomancy is meant to be cathartic and therapeutic. 

Hatter : Gossip gives insight into the problems posed to the person.

Hare: Once upon a time the person the village would turn to  reading tea leaves was a respected elderly lady in the community. Chances are, she would already know what you were coming to talk about. 

Mock Morticia: (as if leading a 1950’s cooking show)  First, drink your tea or coffee down to where there is just a little bit of fluid and sediment in the bottom. Now, put the saucer on the top of the cup like a lid. Then, spin the cup three times. We’ll then flip it over with the saucer tightly held to it.  Lastly, let the fluid from the cup drain out for about 2 minutes. 

Optionally, you can place a ring on your cup if you're asking about love or a coin if for money.

 (quick over head close up of each cup to be read) Alice has a regular cup, Hatter has a Cup of destiny,  Hare has Turkish coffee.

Alice: With the exception of a few traditional symbols, Turkish coffee reading and tea reading work the same way.  If you’ve been watching my videos for very long you already know I’m not a fan of going into the meaning of individual symbols.

Hatter:  Dream dictionaries do provide a plethora of common, culturally significant symbols or signs.

Hare:  In practice they usually end up being doorstops and I’ve never seen a definition of a duckbill platypus in a cop’s hat.  Look, the message is for you.  The symbols are probably already familiar to you.   You don’t need to dig till you go mad and start thinking you're a YouTube star. 

Alice:  (Make a face) Tasseomancy is like a Rorschach test, meaning there is no right answer.  People are often unaware that the Rorschach test is about how you see what you see as opposed to what you actually see. If you're reading for someone else have them tell you what they see.  Watch how they respond.  

Hatter: The macrocosm reflects the microcosm.  The tea leaves represent an energetic reflection of everything related to recent events. 

Hare: Of course it does and the future events plus your subconscious. Though traditionally a reading is considered short term. With things at the top of the cup being imenet and things in the bottom being usually no more than six months away. This crazy old man can explain more.

Wizard:(some visual aid)  We’re going to take your tea cup, which should already be drained, and take a good look at it.  There are just a few things to remember:

One:  the handle of the cup represents the person being read.

Two: As you turn the cup you will see more detail. I have heard conflicting reports on which direction to turn it, but make sure to turn it all the way around to get the full perspective of the cup. 

Now:  I read my cup from the bottom up although some do read from the top down.  Go with your instinct.  Make sure to note your first instincts. Do you see figures in the white space or the tea. 

This is  a highly intuitive process and may be difficult at first, but you’ll get the hang of it.  Enjoy your tea. 

 Diner coffee scene

Hatter sets Hare down on the bar. (drop iletreation looks exhausted) Alice, a waitress, walks in.

Alice brings two cups of coffee and some creamer. 

Alice:  Here you go.

Hatter:  Did you ever try reading the cream in your coffee?

Alice:  Yeah, I was thinking about including that, but it’s more like scrying then tasseomancy.

Hatter: But, you're still reading something in your drink.

Alice:(eww shrug)  You're not reading the sediment.  You’re reading the floating shapes.  Think about it.  The tea leaves or coffee grounds are still, but the cream is moving and will eventually diffuse into the coffee the same way smoke disperses into the air. Also I really didn’t find much when I looked it up.

Hare: Well it’s about time to wrap it up. Good thing too. I need to pee.

Credits roll over character dancing

Alice: Thank you to Kristin for script editing. You can find her at [email protected] 

Hatter: Thank you to Cindy for being our Mad Hatter. You can find her at  https://www.twitch.tv/cindthesarkany  also instagram and twitter  @cindthesarkany 

Hare: Thank you to Aeson Knight for voicing over the March Hare.  Find him at AesonKight.com

T lady: (say) Thank you to all 200 of my subscribers.  Safe Travel and Much Profit to Ya.