I just wanted to talk about this because I'm surprised at what a random place it came from. Why is this genuinely making me proud of myself. This miniscule thing.
 
I don't feel proud of myself often. I can't even remember if I ever did. If I dare to even call it an accomplishment, my biggest thing back in school was when I won the mini-olympiad called "computer stuff idk". (it's not a real olympiad, it's nothing compared to math and physics)
But even that didn't make me feel proud of myself. I was happy but not proud. Because I always thought "Guys, it's not a big deal. Y'all are just too tech-illiterate". (I'm sorry)

It's not complete, of course. As you can see, I need some kind of artwork in the background of my main menu. But after a lot of difficult work, code and art, when I saw the whole sequence of going from main menu to shot type selection to loading screen to gameplay loop, I felt that maybe what I'm creating is worth it's existence. And my existence of course. I don't have any other interest at all. I am the games I make. (Was that a cringe bit? or maybe I'm surfing too much reddit. I'm being assimilated into the reddit hivemind doctrine. Poetics is "cringe". cyberbullying is good)

After having my productivity lick floor for embarrassingly long time due to some family issues, I've been working towards making a bloggable preview of my game. It's really weird. On the back of my head I had this vague, undefined deadline that acted as a pressure to work hard even though I never actually had any deadline. It's probably some trauma from my school days haha. But that weird artificial pressure started making me panic and start writing duct tape codes around. 
"Alright, I'll duct tape this part until I make a bloggable preview. I'll come back to it after that."
Ok, wake up, me! That was some weird psychological experiment. The point of this project is not to build a gamejam paper tiger. It's to build a solid understanding and experience of how to make a real game.
So, for now I don't have anything pretty. Instead, please enjoy today's sketch!
Thank you for having patience with me.

I am on a mission. 

When I first bought this tablet, my long term goal in my head was that all I needed to know was to make head or tail of using tablet and using art creation software. Because I thought I just could make Hollow Knight style games forever. Hey Hollow Knight is a great game, isn't it? The Behemoth of Indie Game. The block buster. So the logic just makes sense that just drawing cartoony characters with stumps for limbs, lines for fingers and an oval or two for bodies. Yay Indie Game life is so easy!

But that all changed in that day. Perhaps an unfortunate day that plunged my chance of success as an indie developer down to the abyss. By pure accident (or destiny) I saw a character from a very old and forgotten gacha game on Twitter and I IMMEDIATELLY fell in love. But as I said the game she's from is incredibly old mobile game and I tried so hard to find an image of her that is more than borderline pixel art. I think I found the rawest source from the artist himself but even that was so incredibly low resolution. It seems that since it was a game for early 2000's mobile games, that was just the original canvas size that the art was created in.
Therefore my life goal is to recreate that character in however high resolution I want. To be more specific, I'm not gonna just redraw her one to one. I wanna create my original character inspired by her design. And in order to do that I need to be a fully fledged artist.
I need to learn anatomy. I need to learn clothes, how do they fold? how do they blow in the wind? Lights and shadows! How does that work? And everything else.

Ok but for real tho. It's not ONLY because of that. There is a quote that goes "You don't change, you just become more of who you truly are". I didn't "change" from a kid that just thought making a rip-off Thomas Was Alone with simple squares would make me a fucking millionaire. I didn't change from wanting to be a cartoon artist to wanting to be an anime artist. I think I just always wanted to be this kind of artist from the truest depths of my heart. I was just too busy having so much fun learning programming to really notice that. And back since 2019 while I tried to make a game called Square Heart with squares (duh), it's not because I was one of those people who loved minimalist artstyle. I'm gonna be brutally honest. I actually don't like minimalism (r/TrueUnpopular) in indie games. I don't mind it in non-game softwares/apps tho. I did that simply because I didn't have the skills to do anything else. For a while I felt guilty for abandoning that project. I mean I had like 100 followers. I'm kinda being an a-hole to them, aren't I. But now I'm glad I did. Because if I spent several years of my life trying to make that into an acceptably sized game and then it failed to sell any copies, I would be devastated because I just spent all those time creating a game that I myself didn't really like.
Now my life goal is to make a game that I myself actually love. And if that game doesn't financially succeed, I don't care cuz money is never the point. I can go die in a ditch somewhere and would have 100% smile on my face. I will have lived my life to my heart's content.

And finally, I could blabber on and on all about this stuff only because I'm alive here because you allow me to. It doesn't matter if you take it literally or figuratively, I would not be alive here if it wasn't for you. Just period. Full stop there. 
Thank you so much!