Lloyd Le-Mar profile
Lloyd Le-Mar
Lloyd Le-Mar
Videos & conversations on gaming culture, opinions and news from a more analytical and grown up perspective...most of the time.
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Goals

$50
to reach
the goal
A ceremonial goal more than everything. Will signify that I'm doing enough correctly for real potential of eventually making content creation my full time job. Will allow me to buy some bread for dinner.
$150
to reach
the goal
Oh my, double the initial goal! At this point I am further humbled and grateful for the generosity from the people that have gotten me to this point. I expect things to start picking up steam and a more solid idea of regular content can be established.
$450
to reach
the goal
At this stage I am excited and even more grateful for attaining this amount per month for what I do. I still remain down to earth and humbled, although I now feel a sense of a status being derived from this hobby, and my confidence in content making increases, resulting in more ambitious projects being conceptualised with guidance from the donators.
$700
to reach
the goal
We're getting to full steam ahead now. I begin wearing sunglasses indoors but still for the most part remain down to earth to outside observers. You will note my communication begin to slow down in frequency as my deep subconscious begins to form a minor superiority complex which trickles forth into my ego. Suddenly, my time feels of even more value so I'm more reluctant to give it, and in the time I do give to my supporters, there is but a slight undertone of arrogance and self-importance seeping from the crevices of my words, but only detectable by the most astute observers at this stage.
$950
to reach
the goal
Here we are everyone...it's been achieved, a life sustaining amount has been attained. The shock and excitement of this milestone revitalises me and forces me to remember how it all began. I'm overwhelmed with gratefulness and thoughtlessly succumb to an out of character emotional outburst that may severely compromise my outward persona, if it weren't for my supporters graciously doing damage control for me. I later regain my composure and give a more dignified thanks to all those who helped me, and then return to how things were before, doing my best to block out the emotional outburst due to the shame I feel. The first payment of this milestone is spent on an unnecessary computer accessory, red wine, something ostentatious, and maybe a packet of import sweets or something. I now wear sunglasses to bed, as I am famous enough to warrant this.
$1,200
to reach
the goal
Self-importance and ego are beginning to grow and become ever present in my actions and communication now. I sit in my newly purchased gaming chair twirling my thumbs staring at my YouTube page as I become slowly more and more obsessed with video statistics and metrics, and devising means of how it can be optimised. My videos are doing well, whatever they are at this stage, and while I remain somewhat communicative, I have become much more distant from my supports and more egotistical in my expression. Several supporters note concern but the new batch of supporters who have been attracted here from my more arrogant persona rush to my defence, dismissing those concerns of me 'losing touch' with my audience. Video work slows down a little at this stage, as I begin to revel in my now-confirmed celebrity status. (Thanks for the money by the way!)
$1,450
to reach
the goal
Things are super serious now. My word is carrying serious weight within the industry and I've become hyper aware of it. I begin getting offers from big game companies to make content for their products, telling me that I receive large payments for this work, and that I may express what I wish, as I always have, so long as I mention things on the provided checklist and that my feedback is 'constructive'. Part of me feels there is a line being crossed here, the old Lloyd might have concern of principles and impartiality over such things, but now that I have become more obsessed with monetisation and optimisation of my content, those concerns are ignored. Earning more, and MORE, has become my number one priority, I need only alter, just a little, my principles and impartiality to take advantage of this excellent opportunity... My video content, continuing to be regular in delivery, has now become less critical and decisive, and instead has started to take an everyman's, more neutral, 'constructive' approach... After all, I can't be too honest and damning of various companies or games, especially if they might have partnership or sponsorship opportunities to help me 'grow' my channel...
$1,950
to reach
the goal
2000 dollars...quite the achievement considering how one started. Despite now being fully absorbed in my celebrity status, controlled by an insecure and fragile ego that has learnt to base his own self-worth on how much revenue is generated and how many people agree with him on the internet, I still manage to find a moment to be grateful once again, and thank my supporters personally and have a private livestream for them or something. But that aside, they're not really worth my personal, important time any more, only the large donators are. The others...pfft, they'll live. My videos are now routinely the first port of call for particular information or entertainment relating to the games industry. I am mentioned routinely by other content creators, and have even had memes created from my words and videos. My personal life now consists of endless 'social gatherings' and extravagant outings to AAA publisher and developer offices to have first looks at upcoming projects. I own several pairs of sunglasses now, and never make direct eye contact anymore, most people are simply not worthy of it. I have all the latest technology I need to produce the highest of quality content comparing to when I started. But despite this, my content making has slowed down, my opinions have become watered down, inconclusive or tepid at best. My titles and thumbnails are utterly sensationalised, and it's become obvious I'm now in the back pocket of some big AAA companies. I'm no longer displaying appreciation towards those who helped me get here, and I now view them as nothing more than a means to an end, and end of which I have no idea of, as nothing seems to ever be enough anymore. My content and viewers now form a watertight echo chamber where no one may deviate from my gospel, and anyone that dares are quickly shut down by my rabid supporters. Any glimpse I catch of those disliking or disagreeing with my opinion quickly sends me into a spiral of hatred, self-doubt & depression. My fragile confidence and ego, now only supported by the metrics and amount of money I make, causes me to emotionally lash out once again and seek reassurance from my devoted followers. They provide this, but my outburst has already done its damage... AAA companies are now less forthcoming...my like to dislike ratio begins to take a turn for the worse...the more frequent disagreements become too much to be ignored outright...my donation amount lowers for the very first time...I get messages from old fans & supporters of how they think I have become out of touch with reality, arrogant, safe, closed-minded, showing delusions of grandeur... I sit alone on awesome gaming chair, a gift from one of the companies as a gesture of goodwill in hopes I would secretly promote their game (I did), and I break down... My world and identity shattered, I lose it. I show myself on camera for the first time, big mistake, and have some kind of self-indulgent 'personal' rant, expressing my misguided, delusional grievances. Of course this attracts attention and views...the wrong kind. More contacts are severed, more revenue lost. I desperately scramble to ignore the decline and try to make content akin to what I became well known for. But it's too late. No one trusts my opinion any more, my desperation leaking from every syllable uttered. It's no use. I've fallen from grace. Abandoned by most who once were on my side. Completely out of touch with reality, and long since forgotten his humble beginnings of appreciation and honesty. The money & fame got to him, corrupted him. He had become everything he strove to not be, because dependency on that lifestyle had set in. What is he to do now? He still has supporters and those who donate. How will he rebalance and ground himself to prevent this happening yet again...? I'm not sure. But a good start is continue donating more money. Thanks! (I'll be good this time, I promise!...)

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